: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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