from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize