Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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