If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
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my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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