Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize