he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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