I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I deserve this hangover.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize