just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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