My sheets look like a crime scene.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
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If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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