for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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