i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
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Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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