3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
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It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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