Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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