just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize