I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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