I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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