I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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