The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize