I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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