I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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