She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We are two peas in an std pod
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
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I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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