today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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