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I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
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