do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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