Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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