Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize