She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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