Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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