she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize