Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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