Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize