Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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