I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize