If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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