I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
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You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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