you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize