I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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