sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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