12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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