i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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