This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You did what with his pubic hair?
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