Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize