Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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