just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize