the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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