You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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