he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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