Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize