she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize