im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize